Each day I
awoke, the first thoughts in my mind were of the troubles that afflicted me and
the problems that followed me. Each day I re-lived them. Each day I
re-experienced what had hurt me and who had left me. I refused to escape them. I refused to stop
hurting, because to do so meant to actually move on, and I didn’t want to move
on. I didn’t want to let go.
I had
received what I believed. And what I believed was that I was worth nothing;
that no one would like me and no one could love me; that I’d forever and always
be alone.
I knew I
needed help but asking for it just made me feel like a burden. I wanted to be
free of meds, doctors, counsellors, hospitals and negative thoughts. I felt as
if I had lost myself and wouldn’t ever be the same again. I had no motivation
to do anything because I couldn't see a future for myself. Anxiety caused me to
believe everyone was faking their love for me. ‘Cheer up’ was the worst thing
anyone said to me. Those two words triggered thousands of horrible thoughts and
I was beating myself up for not hiding how I felt well enough from everyone
around me.
When we are
depressed we are cut off from reality, trapped within the tiny world of our own
withdrawn ego. If reality were an unpleasant place and we withdrew into our own
ideal dream world, that might make sense. But reality is a beautiful place and
when we are depressed we retreat from it into a place which is truly horrible.
Why?
What keeps
us cut off from healing reality is that we keep thinking about ourselves. There
is a simple trick we might try to short-circuit this process. If we fear that
we may be a worthless individual, then we might ask ourselves: “How bad would
it be if that were the case?” What would it mean if we had no worth? Nothing
could be expected of us. The world would not cease to exist. We would still be
capable of experiencing pleasure. To be worthless would simply be to be
insignificant or unimportant. (Of course this isn’t the same as being bad, but
it is still worth a try.)
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Always Remember:
1- Your
emotions are not fixed; they are constantly changing. How you feel today may
not be the same as how you felt yesterday or how you’ll feel tomorrow or next
week.
2- Everyone
makes mistakes in life, but it doesn't mean they have to pay for them for the
rest of their life. Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn't mean
they are bad. It means they are human. Believe me, there is no greater pain
than that of regret. It is never too late to live in the way you want. Never be
afraid to take a risk in your life.
3- The new
beginning that lives in every second, where you can take a turn you have never
taken before, remove the mask and play a role you have never played. Let that
sense of excitement pull you to new things. Let go of what you can't change and
pursue what you can. Always remember that you can't go back and change the
past, so look to the future and don't make the same mistake twice. Sometimes we
need to stop analyzing the past and start planning the future. Forget the time
spent, think of now.
4- Remember
your personal goals. You may have always wanted to travel to a particular
place, read a specific book, own a pet, move to another place, learn a new
hobby, volunteer, go back to school, or start a family. Write your personal
goals down.
5- You
shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do because depression is an
illness like any other, it isn’t any more self centred than having a broken
leg. I was always told to show myself the same respect and concern that I would
show for others. We are so accepting of other parts of our bodies breaking, why
can't we be that way about our minds too?
6- Take a
step back and look at your life closely and ask yourself "What can you
improve?" Be honest with yourself in every area of your life. Remove
everything unimportant in your life that can get you sidetracked from your
goals. It might be TV, it might be people in your life, it might be unhealthy
habits you know what it is. Be honest with yourself. Have the courage to live
the life you want to live regardless of what anyone else thinks. Nothing will
change unless you change. Nothing will get better unless you get better. It's
all about you.
7- No matter
what has happened or failed to happen in your past. It's never too late to try
again. It's never too late to decide you want more out of life. Never be afraid
to take a risk going after what you really want. You may fail, you will most
likely fail often but failure going after your dreams is nothing compared to
the failure that is settling for a life you don't want.
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If you have not seen a doctor or mental health professional before, it is a good idea to do so. They will listen to you in private, and ask some questions about you and your situation. This is so they can help you and, together, you can develop a plan of action.
