The internet
is divided between claiming age absolutely matters in a relationship and age
absolutely doesn’t matter in a relationship. when it comes to dating, we live
in a lawless era where love is love and almost anything goes. We are seeing
large age gaps in the dating pool and not just the typical
old-man-younger-woman narrative.
Dating age rule:
The dating
age rule to determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners goes
something like this: half your age plus seven (40 = 20 +7 = 27) to define the
minimum age of a partner and your age minus seven times two (40 = 33 * 2 = 60)
to define the maximum age of a partner.
So if you’re
a 24-year-old, you can feel free to be with anyone who is at least 19 (12 + 7)
but not someone who is 18.1 The (lesser-applied) other side of the rule defines
a maximum age boundary: Take your age, subtract 7, and double it. So for a
24-year-old, the upper age limit would be 34 (17 * 2). With some quick math,
the rule provides a minimum and maximum partner age based on your actual age
that, if you choose to follow it, you can use to guide your dating decisions.
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To assume
all age-gap relationships are always based on a kind of top-down exploitation
removes agency. Often, the social discourse assumes that younger women engaging
in these relationships are in danger, that they aren’t knowingly exploiting the
age-gap dynamic too. Culturally, we think romance should be fair, just, and
morally pure, but this isn’t what happens in reality. Many years of blissful
marriage aren’t rendered meaningless by complicated beginnings.
Perhaps
we’re so fascinated by age-gap in relationships because it’s easy to assume
that there will be greater exploitation and power imbalance. But to me it
figures that in a society in which we are taught how to acquire and possess
before we are taught to love and liberate, there are submerged dynamics of
power and exploitation in many relationships, regardless of the age of the
participants. In relationships where people are concerned with liberation,
freedom, respect, and care, perhaps an age gap doesn’t matter.
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Finally, the only people that matter in your relationship are you and your partner. Your business is your own. How you both choose to conquer these obstacles will determine the outcome of your relationship. Keep your love tank full! When you truly connect with someone, nothing should stand in the way of nurturing that all the rules that once defined dating are out the window.