Relationship age gap rules: The acceptable age for who you can date

The internet is divided between claiming age absolutely matters in a relationship and age absolutely doesn’t matter in a relationship. when it comes to dating, we live in a lawless era where love is love and almost anything goes. We are seeing large age gaps in the dating pool and not just the typical old-man-younger-woman narrative.

Dating age rule:

The dating age rule to determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners goes something like this: half your age plus seven (40 = 20 +7 = 27) to define the minimum age of a partner and your age minus seven times two (40 = 33 * 2 = 60) to define the maximum age of a partner.

So if you’re a 24-year-old, you can feel free to be with anyone who is at least 19 (12 + 7) but not someone who is 18.1 The (lesser-applied) other side of the rule defines a maximum age boundary: Take your age, subtract 7, and double it. So for a 24-year-old, the upper age limit would be 34 (17 * 2). With some quick math, the rule provides a minimum and maximum partner age based on your actual age that, if you choose to follow it, you can use to guide your dating decisions.

To assume all age-gap relationships are always based on a kind of top-down exploitation removes agency. Often, the social discourse assumes that younger women engaging in these relationships are in danger, that they aren’t knowingly exploiting the age-gap dynamic too. Culturally, we think romance should be fair, just, and morally pure, but this isn’t what happens in reality. Many years of blissful marriage aren’t rendered meaningless by complicated beginnings.

Perhaps we’re so fascinated by age-gap in relationships because it’s easy to assume that there will be greater exploitation and power imbalance. But to me it figures that in a society in which we are taught how to acquire and possess before we are taught to love and liberate, there are submerged dynamics of power and exploitation in many relationships, regardless of the age of the participants. In relationships where people are concerned with liberation, freedom, respect, and care, perhaps an age gap doesn’t matter.

Finally, the only people that matter in your relationship are you and your partner. Your business is your own. How you both choose to conquer these obstacles will determine the outcome of your relationship. Keep your love tank full! When you truly connect with someone, nothing should stand in the way of nurturing that all the rules that once defined dating are out the window.

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Relationship age gap rules: The acceptable age for who you can date