When I was young and shy, I was unable to meet the people I
wanted to meet and make the friends I wanted to make. I just couldn’t bear the
fear of trying and the near certainty of rejection.
I was completely alone; too horrified to talk to strangers,
too weak to stand up to others; too stubborn to change the things about myself
that would make life better and myself happier.
Each
day I awoke, the first thoughts in my mind were of the troubles that afflicted
me and the problems that followed me. Each day I re-lived them. Each day I
re-experienced what had hurt me and who had left me. I refused to escape them. I
refused to stop hurting, because to do so meant to actually move on, and I
didn’t want to move on. I didn’t want to let go.
When we are depressed we are cut off from reality, trapped within the tiny world of our own withdrawn ego. If reality were an unpleasant place and we withdrew into our own ideal dream world, that might make sense. But reality is a beautiful place and when we are depressed we retreat from it into a place which is truly horrible. Why?
I had received what I believed. And what I believed was that
I was worth nothing; that no one would like me and no one could love me; that
I’d forever and always be alone.
The central thought of the depressed mind is, “I’m a bad person.” This thought makes us think that we deserve to be cut off from the beauty of reality and, ironically, our attempts to fight our way back out again are what keep us where we are. We become like the man who is so anxious to escape the burning building through the revolving door that he runs too fast and ends up constantly revolving back in again.
What keeps us cut off from healing reality is that we keep thinking about ourselves. There is a simple trick we might try to short-circuit this process. If we fear that we may be a worthless individual, then we might ask ourselves : “How bad would it be if that were the case?” What would it mean if we had no worth? Nothing could be expected of us. The world would not cease to exist. We would still be capable of experiencing pleasure. To be worthless would simply be to be insignificant or unimportant. (Of course this isn’t the same as being bad, but it is still worth a try.)
Read also How to live a happy life
There are two major kinds of depression - reactive and endogenous. Reactive depression is depression which is triggered by an outside event. This could include the break-up of a relationship, a death in the family or giving birth. Endogenous depression seems to originate spontaneously without an outside trigger.
Given that the central thought of depression is “I am a bad person” we can see that the most likely cause for endogenous depression is self-condemnation based on “sick” ideas formed from repressed emotions. Very often those most prone to depression are those whose behaviour is impeccable. So why should such individuals come to believe that they are bad?
The well-behaved person is someone who represses any antisocial impulses. This means that the subconscious of the well-behaved individual is more likely to contain “evil” thoughts. Not realising that the existence of such thoughts is a sign of moral rectitude rather than the opposite, the endogenous depressive condemns himself when he comes in contact with such thoughts.
Some claim that depression is all a matter of brain chemistry. While it may be true that the stress of depression brings about changes in the chemistry of the brain, from a close examination of the way that the obsessional thinking characteristic of depression keeps us trapped within ourselves and cut off from the healing potential of spontaneous and open communication with other people and the world around us, we can see that there are better approaches to releasing ourselves from depression than swallowing pills or having epileptic seizures induced by the application of electricity to our brains. These things have provided a
limited amount of help to some individuals, but they are really the equivalent of providing air-conditioning in the prison cell instead of unlocking the door.
Read also 8 rules to start living a better life in 2020
Forgiveness is the key to freedom
Wikipedia defines Forgiveness as: "The mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution."
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
We all have our own thoughts and feelings about what it means to forgive and why we should or shouldn’t do it. However, learning how to forgive someone (including yourself for any regrets you may have) is an important step in taking care of ourselves and in living a healthy, happy life.
Easier said than done, right? Forgiveness is like developing any other skill, with practice and patience it can be learned and implemented with great success.
It's important to understand that forgiveness does NOT mean that we are approving, accepting, dismissing or condoning what someone else did. The truth is, forgiveness has everything to do with our own well being and here's why.....
Unforgiveness fills our mind with negative thoughts and creates strong emotional energies in our body such as anger, judgment , criticism and resentment. These harbored thoughts and emotions are like toxins in the body which can create stress and even illness.
There are many benefits of Forgiveness. Forgiveness can help us to feel happier, sleep better, have less stress, enjoy healthier relationships, think more clearly, deepen our spiritual connection plus many more benefits! Forgiveness enhances our health and life on every level including mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
How do you know if we have reached total forgiveness?
It may not be possible to forgive and forget but once healing takes place, we can forgive and remember in a way that no longer torments us inside. Through forgiveness you literally set yourself free!
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
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